Big Talk, Small Talk ~or~ If You Think I Find You Terribly Dull, It's Prolly Cause I Do

Last night I decided something. I'm not sure that I'm right, I'm not sold on the idea, but maybe, so here goes, we'll throw this out and see if the cat licks it up. In this world, there are big talkers and there are small talkers (and maybe [probably] a third category who does both).

I suck at small talk. Chatting with people about their major, or their name, or the news, or movies that are coming out, or the weather, or even sports is arduous for me. Painfully so. I think this is part of the reason why I hate meeting new people so much. Certainly, I am, at least somewhat, a shy fellow myself (and I just said 'fellow,' which means I win). But I just really honestly don't care about your surface level opinion about the next big thing to come out in movies. I think it's wasting oxygen for me to want you to agree with my tres intellectual observation that the weather's been different lately.

I much prefer big talk. Finding out who people actually are, what drives them to these opinions that they have about movies or music or whatever. I strive to get to a point where I'm hearing what people are passionate about--and I listen and remember these real things. If I don't remember your major, but I remember your passion, I count that as a win.

And so I think that people can get the wrong impression about me. I think that I often come across as wholly disinterested in other people. Which is only half true. I'm just incredibly underwhelmed with this prospect that knowing you is knowing that you think that Apocalypto is too bloody for somebody who makes Jesus flicks. That doesn't interest me at all. But the essence, that really, really, really does.

I came to ORU hoping that it would be a place of gut-level honesty and real transparency. And, more than most places I've been in life, it is. But it's still a place filled with small-talkers.

Small talkers can be wonderful people. And small-talk is something which I probably ought to get better at, and I'm actually trying to (to cut off that whole perception that I really don't care about other people). But small-talk works for about fifteen minutes. When you spend days, weeks, months, and years trapped in these small-talk relationships, it should be no wonder that everything seems shallow and meaningless.

I guess I just want meaning in life, in everything in life. And me telling you that I'm from Colorado Springs, that's pretty meaningless.

Peace, love, and joy to you all.