Why I Hate Instant Messaging

I say lots of stupid things.

This is true regardless of the medium. Whether I'm in front of a group of people, talking to somebody on the phone, meeting up with a group of friends, blogging, or chatting via some magical instant messenger device, it's a pretty sure bet that if I'm saying something, something stupid either is presently coming out of my mouth (or fingers, I guess) or something stupid is about to.

Which is why, when I'm with a group of people, I am always checking to make sure that I haven't crossed the "This guy's a creepy annoying idiot" threshold, by making eye contact, listening to people's tone, and by keeping track of their body language around me. Through years of alienating peers, friends, roommates, siblings, and strangers, I've almost got this to a point where I am able to keep 10% of the people I come across on the good side of that threshold.

Unfortunately, this is nearly impossible via the pipes that connect my AIM to everybody else's AIM. So while I'm coming up with really really entirely ridiculous things to type, my only feedback is 'lol' or 'haha' or 'hmmmm.' Which could mean that somebody really is laughing out loud, or it could mean "This guy's a creepy and annoying idiot" or "I am seriously concerned for my safety after that last eye-gouging joke."

So, I've decided to let you all in on the hippest thing ever about instant messaging. It's called "ial," and it's the brainchild of my good friend Christine. ial=i'm actually laughing.

So feel free to use lol and haha to acknowledge a joke that may have made you smirk, or to somehow affirm the joker, but use ial whenever and only whenever you actually laugh at something you read.

Peace, love, and joy to you all.