Why I Hate Instant Messaging

I say lots of stupid things.

This is true regardless of the medium. Whether I'm in front of a group of people, talking to somebody on the phone, meeting up with a group of friends, blogging, or chatting via some magical instant messenger device, it's a pretty sure bet that if I'm saying something, something stupid either is presently coming out of my mouth (or fingers, I guess) or something stupid is about to.

Which is why, when I'm with a group of people, I am always checking to make sure that I haven't crossed the "This guy's a creepy annoying idiot" threshold, by making eye contact, listening to people's tone, and by keeping track of their body language around me. Through years of alienating peers, friends, roommates, siblings, and strangers, I've almost got this to a point where I am able to keep 10% of the people I come across on the good side of that threshold.

Unfortunately, this is nearly impossible via the pipes that connect my AIM to everybody else's AIM. So while I'm coming up with really really entirely ridiculous things to type, my only feedback is 'lol' or 'haha' or 'hmmmm.' Which could mean that somebody really is laughing out loud, or it could mean "This guy's a creepy and annoying idiot" or "I am seriously concerned for my safety after that last eye-gouging joke."

So, I've decided to let you all in on the hippest thing ever about instant messaging. It's called "ial," and it's the brainchild of my good friend Christine. ial=i'm actually laughing.

So feel free to use lol and haha to acknowledge a joke that may have made you smirk, or to somehow affirm the joker, but use ial whenever and only whenever you actually laugh at something you read.

Peace, love, and joy to you all.

Big Talk, Small Talk ~or~ If You Think I Find You Terribly Dull, It's Prolly Cause I Do

Last night I decided something. I'm not sure that I'm right, I'm not sold on the idea, but maybe, so here goes, we'll throw this out and see if the cat licks it up. In this world, there are big talkers and there are small talkers (and maybe [probably] a third category who does both).

I suck at small talk. Chatting with people about their major, or their name, or the news, or movies that are coming out, or the weather, or even sports is arduous for me. Painfully so. I think this is part of the reason why I hate meeting new people so much. Certainly, I am, at least somewhat, a shy fellow myself (and I just said 'fellow,' which means I win). But I just really honestly don't care about your surface level opinion about the next big thing to come out in movies. I think it's wasting oxygen for me to want you to agree with my tres intellectual observation that the weather's been different lately.

I much prefer big talk. Finding out who people actually are, what drives them to these opinions that they have about movies or music or whatever. I strive to get to a point where I'm hearing what people are passionate about--and I listen and remember these real things. If I don't remember your major, but I remember your passion, I count that as a win.

And so I think that people can get the wrong impression about me. I think that I often come across as wholly disinterested in other people. Which is only half true. I'm just incredibly underwhelmed with this prospect that knowing you is knowing that you think that Apocalypto is too bloody for somebody who makes Jesus flicks. That doesn't interest me at all. But the essence, that really, really, really does.

I came to ORU hoping that it would be a place of gut-level honesty and real transparency. And, more than most places I've been in life, it is. But it's still a place filled with small-talkers.

Small talkers can be wonderful people. And small-talk is something which I probably ought to get better at, and I'm actually trying to (to cut off that whole perception that I really don't care about other people). But small-talk works for about fifteen minutes. When you spend days, weeks, months, and years trapped in these small-talk relationships, it should be no wonder that everything seems shallow and meaningless.

I guess I just want meaning in life, in everything in life. And me telling you that I'm from Colorado Springs, that's pretty meaningless.

Peace, love, and joy to you all.